Breaking through the Watercolor Fence

On the Porch   

It has already been ten years since I took a class at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design (MCAD) on Children's Book Illustrations.  This is what I wrote back then: This was my first watercolor. Our teacher taught us to use just three colors and mix them for a painting.  I think this is what made the colors vibrant on my first try.  I loved painting and hope I do more but there is some kind of barrier that keeps me from trying.  I guess I am afraid it won't turn out like I want and so it is with all creating: writing..painting..drawing..playing guitar.  Something painful about starting the process anew but so satisfying to be engaged and complete a work.

Fast forward to now and I have been painting on and off. I’ve taken several watercolor classes and watched plenty of videos. Sometimes I think I should try a different media. They say watercolors are difficult because you have to build the painting in layers. I love how the colors seep on the rag-like water color paper and mix so beautifully. While we were down in San Miguel, I sat out on the patio and painted. Sometimes, rarely, I am pleased and surprised with how the colors mix.

It is wierd how good I feel when I am painting and when I have finished. Somehow I am able to watch the colors mix and move on the page without thinking about other problems. My main bother these days is having a constant list of to dos pop into my head. I was laying in bed last night, trying to sleep at 4am and I labelled each thought that floated by: most of them were to-do’s. Now how can I DO any of this stuff at 4am? The thoughts were not useful because they just kept me from sleeping. Oh I should get up and write that down. NO you shouldn’t. The mind needs sleep right now —just keep focusing on the breath and watch it go in and out and when a thought comes by I say, “thinking” or label it and then I can begin again, focusing on the sound of my breath.

Besides for the to-do’s there are the joy jumping thoughts— the ones where I think I can’t wait till I can go upnorth and watch the waves come in on the lake and feel the wind that carries the smell of pine, and sit on the porch and write books and read. Oh man, that one gets me riled up. I’ve noticed that sleeping can only come when the thoughts calm down and the visions take over. Like counting sheep: that is why it works. You have to see the sheep and see their fluff and the action of them jumping. I like to feel like I am laying in the boat upnorth and feeling the waves rock me and the sun shining on my weary bones and watch the clouds form into monsters and angels. That one kind-of works. I seem to like to wake every night at 4 or 5 when its too soon to get up. Maybe that is why my friend Barb gets up at 5am. Maybe I should just get up. Well, the mind problems seem to be at their peak this time of night. That is why I love painting. My mind is busy with the visual swirl of the colors in water and I get a rest from the monkey mind.